Times of Trouble

"Sometimes the rules get hard
But if somebody left you out on a ledge
If somebody pushed you over the edge
If somebody loved you and left you for dead
You got to hold on to your time till you break
Through these times of trouble"

                                             - Temple of the Dog

      Sometimes times will get hard for us in this human life.  I have experienced loss, but when I think of Eliezer Wiesel and his journey through such violence and terror, I am not sure if I could be as strong as him.  Elie is the narrator of the memoir called Night.  This story is about his experience during World War II.   He is a Jewish twelve year old who is deported from Hungry to many concentration camps.
      My own times of trouble revolved around my father's death.  I was lucky to have 34 years to get know my father.  The trouble was not just about his death, but it was also how my family fell apart after his death.  It seemed that he was the glue or magic that held us all together.  I was crushed and I had only lost my father.  Elie lost his mother, and sisters in one night.  He was only twelve.  I was old and mature. So I felt fulfilled because my relationship was deep and strong with my father.  How did Elie not feel angry, or hate and rage at the German Nazi.  I feel like I would of been consumed by such a raging inferno straight from hell.  I know they would eat me alive.  How does one forgive and or let go of such loss and blame?
    Even though my father died, it was more about my brother who I felt left me for dead.   "If somebody loved you and left you for dead" from the band Temple of the Dog, which they say creates times of trouble.  After my father died, I thought we would all support each other, but that did not happen.  My mom and I helped each through this hard time, but my brother had left us for dead.   Did he exist at all?  It is ironic that I felt really strongly that my father had moved on.  And my sadness was only my own selfish desires, wanting my father to talk to again.  If he was in heaven, he was happy and loved.  Sometimes it is hard to let go.  It took me awhile to let go of my father.  It took even longer to let go of the dead-living.  I mean I don't have a brother anymore, but he still lives.  This one is the hardest things in my life so far.  The trouble has subsided into something like an inland sea with few storms, but sometimes a good storm does tip over my boat, and I sink down to the abyss.  So trouble seems to be the big part of this human life.
         I would like to understand the reasons why people can hurt and destroy each other.  I have not found the answer yet.  I just try to continue to be sensitive toward the people I meet.  I try to uphold that compassion true love thing.  That is if I truely love someone then I do not need them to love me in return. Right?  I have broken through some of my troubles.  I did need this song to do it.  It is amazing how the emotion of one singer can mimic your deep emotional feeling.  I believe music is an invisible bridge that vibrates in and out of each of us linking us in some mysterious way.  
       Elie also shows me how writing can be a creative mark in the universe, like a signpost standing out in time.  The signpost helps the writer and the audience.  Elie's signpost is a warning, a plea, an example and most of all a miracle.  It is a warning to watch our hate and judgement of others so that we may never turn to such destruction.  It is a plea to love each other first and last.  Elie is an example of a strong hero that survives and becomes an artist against all odds.  Elie is a miracle walking because he survived through such horror and that he is a kind and creative man allowing us his story. 

K.Fitch